As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?


How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?


Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn’t have given you worse advice.


Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!


If you had another brain, it would be lonely.


I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!


Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?


Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!


If you can’t convince them, confuse them.


Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.


Always try to be modest and be proud of it!


There is a sign in the toilet of the Sex Change Clinic. It reads “We may never piss this way again.”


I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.


I’ve been on a calender, but I’ve never been on time.


I have my standards. They may be low, but I have them.