As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?


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How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?


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Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn’t have given you worse advice.


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Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!


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If you had another brain, it would be lonely.


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I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!


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Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?


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Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!


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If you can’t convince them, confuse them.


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Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.


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Always try to be modest and be proud of it!


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There is a sign in the toilet of the Sex Change Clinic. It reads “We may never piss this way again.”


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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.


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I’ve been on a calender, but I’ve never been on time.


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I have my standards. They may be low, but I have them.


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